Thursday, August 18, 2005

Mrs.Smith and her Development Plan

The United Nations has announced that it will soon release a fresh list of developing countries. The sole criteria for the countries to be chosen on this list is for them to get a child adopted by Angelina Jolie. So, as of now, Cambodia and Ethiopia are the two lucky ones to get a seat on this elite group and there is fresh news of Sri Lanka joining, as it has been discovered that Brad Pitt who is under Ms. Jolie's care is originally Sri Lankan. In fact he is said to be the American agent for the Tamil Tigers, secretly aiding their activities. This includes the famous training/educational videos made for the S.Y.B.Ter students in colleges across SL covering the two most difficult subjects a) Discrete Structure and Loot Theory (Ocean's 11) and b) Introduction to Advanced Weaponry (Mr. & Mrs Smith). He is also said to be the Norwegian Govt. in disguise trying to fool the SL government into a false pact. Apparently he also has a dog called 'Oslo'. He claims he picked up the term from some NRI Bengali who was trying to say 'I oslo na.. wont a woife.'

'Popular Mechanics for Kids' reports that he threatened an employee of the Sri Lankan embassy from disclosing this fact leading to this employee getting married to David Schwimmer on another training video. (It is interesting to note, though trivial, that the writer of the article in question, Pallavi Kharade, who recently got a job at PMK came up with the brilliant idea of plastering Aniston's photo all over, leading to best ever sales in the millenium. She has been nominated for this year's Pulitzer for 'great contribution to making children understand how nice boobs should be'. There are certain reports from Pune, India about copyright violations, but they seem to be currently busy finding jokes from the Internet.)

It has been reported that the newly formed consortium G4 have shifted their agenda from becoming a member of the Security Council to finding a place in Jolie's homes for one of their millions of homeless kids. The G8 have strongly opposed this move towards a multi-polar world and have said that Jolie should not have anything to do in shifting the balance of world power. George Bush when asked about this, candidly replied that he strongly supported the idea of a multi-polar world and promptly went on to question if this was biologically possible. Tony Blair is said to have agreed fully with 'George's Views' and Jacques Chirac said that even if whatever Bush said was possible, France would not allow it, it being morally unethical and utterly self-indulgent.

Meanwhile the Indian Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh and his Japanese counterpart Mr.Koizumi have said that they would personally handpick the Honda workers who would make the sales pitch for the G4. In response Prakash Karat, the Indian MP has gone on record to say that such an irresponsible use of the country's labour force would lead to a massive outburst of political opposition. Later in the day, a physically handicapped and mentally spent Jyoti Basu would back this up vehemently. The BJP president L.K.Advani called for the Prime Minister, the entire cabinet, the deputy ministers, the bureaucracy, the state congress MLAs, the President of the Dabbawalla association, Uma Bharati and the office chaparasis appointed under the Congress rule, to immediately resign. Narendra Modi and others have called for L.K.Advani to resign for yet another careless statement by not mentioning Mrs G's foreign origin issue and saying 'Sharma Jee, Nah' instead of 'No, Mr. Sharma'.

This has lead the new UN GS, Mr. Handi Paratha (worthy successor to Mr. Kofta inNaan') to clarify that by 'developing' country he meant that Ms. Jolie herself was a 'fully and beautifully developed' country. This has created a furore the world over causing great protests amongst the more 'well-endowed' nations. The PM promptly sacked his Honda team and has now asked a delegation of any 10 girls from COEP to attend the conference on behalf on India. Pakistan President Parvez Musharraf had warned India about being over-confident, but on seeing this particular crop of beauties has sporting accepted defeat. Another interesting observation has been the sudden increase in the sales of large sizes in Kashmir. India has accused Pakistan of trying to infiltrate it's 'maal' over to India. Also worth noting is the rise in number of 'eligible bachelors' travelling to J&K.

After much deliberation and discussion Ms.Jolie is expected to come up with her list any time this week. Meanwhile the Indian PM and his financial think tank are busy allocating the new cash-flow to massive programmes of rural 'development'.


Abhishek said...

This if for the non-pune readers

a)COEP - College of Engg.,Pune.
b)Pallavi Kharade - A Pune Times Insect

Aditya Pethe said...

Hilarious!!! Good one.

Anand said...

V good !
Who is David Schimmer ??

Abhishek said...

That's 'David Schwimmer ' Aniston's love interest on F.R.I.E.N.D.S - whom she finally gets together with after 10 years of dilly-dally on the last episode, IIRC